I see it all the time, a bride who is enthusiastic and immersed in the wedding planning process while her fiance sits next to her on his phone. It can be frustrating to have a partner who is hands-off when it comes to wedding planning. It can feel like they don't even want to go through with it. I'm here to assure you, that they do have an invested interest in the wedding and your relationship, they just more than likely have no experience or confidence in putting something as big as a wedding together.
Talk to Them
It can be easy to stew and start resenting your partner for seeming not to be interested. In these situations, you need to stop, take a breath, and consider whether you have even asked them for support. If not, now is the time to calmly discuss what you need assistance with.
You might be surprised by what your partner has to say. Maybe they feel underappreciated that you didn't trust them enough to get them involved. Maybe they feel like you had a handle on things and didn't want to get in the way. Still, maybe they have a pre-conceived notion that only one partner plans the wedding. In this final case, you might need to take a look at your relationship as a whole. If you have imbalances now that your partner sees as fine, it could require some re-examining of your relationship. It doesn't necessarily spell doom, just a need for working out some wrinkles.
If your partner is ready and willing to pitch in, there are a few things you can do.
An easy way to get a hands-off partner active in planning is to find a task they would excel in or would find interesting. For some, that's creating a spreadsheet of possible guests and managing RSVPs, for others, it could be helping choose the menu. The worst thing you can do in these situations is to take over or correct your partner. This is all about trust in your relationship and recognizing that they will have it in hand. If you disagree, it is an opportunity to communicate and compromise so that they see themselves being represented on your wedding day.
Other times, your partner just needs to be pointed in a direction. Maybe they genuinely don't know what needs to be done. In these cases, having a list or a timeline will come in handy. You can split the load more evenly, and reduce the amount of stress overall.
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